Middle

I feel happy and sad at the same time!

On the one hand I am sooooo happy him because he is just plain excited and beyond happy! He seems to be enjoying the days God gave him so much more now! His smile when he talks is so much bigger.....and yet i am sad because I feel as though God closed a door I wanted to stay open for a while longer! It kind of hurt. And to find out from someone else was painful too.

On the other hand.....I am slightly ok with this because there are always other "fish in the sea" and I DO NOT need a guy to make me happy. I have the Lord and that should and does suffice! My smile is big because I have a great promise that even when darkness comes I will have light! And yet I can understand why he smiles bigger! I pray that his decission is the right one.

I am just going to focus on God this semester! I feel that is the right thing to do and I know its what God is telling me! He is all I need and I will sing to him forever....HOPEFULY I can get into the choir in heaven!

You are all I need when I'm surrounded,
You are all I need if I'm by myself,
You fill me when I'm empty,
There is nothing else,
You're all I need!

Everyday New

Everyday is a new day at Grace! And everyday I learn something new everyday. In growth groups we talked about the fact that our fears can guide us to having struggles! We found that these struggles come because of our lack of trust in the Lord.

I was able to trust the Lord enough that I am able to sleep in the dark now! I irrational fear of the dark has faded thanks to my love and trust in the Lord! I still fear being locked in a basement in total dark, but I am able to sleep minus a night light!

Then after growth groups we had a Psalm bible study and I learned that I need to trust the Lord with the things I WANT to handle but are out of my hands. I just need to give it to God and pray that he will take it and fix it! I have to be patience, of which I do NOT have!

Lately I feel like the Lord is telling me to just hang on and wait.....I am just not the type to wait, so I know I am going to have to wait because of that VERY fact! He is teaching me so much here. I feel that I am going to grow in him here! And I am thankful for the friends I have because they challenge me, verbally and just when they write...it makes me WANT to do the same thing! And so I do....I hope and pray that I get better at this understanding the bible! I am not bible smart, so I hope that I can get better at it!

I REALLY DO NOT LIKE CHUCK NORIS JOKES AT ALL!!!!

Not Informed

Looking through some of my stuff attempting to find HOW to even make a blog post let alone how to get to it, I found that I am "FOLLOWING MYSELF!" Ok so how does that happen, I am able to follow myself but I am updating. So does that mean that I know everytime I update something?

I blame this on the lack of a tutorial! I was never showed how to work this, just told that to comment on someone elses I needed this. SO I got it and found it to be fun! Then I read someone elses and I felt like I was intruding. Then Tiff told me that I needed to write about my times in college and this came to mind. So to all who are reading this, I promise it won't be boring cause I would have to be in the hospital with a dead brain for me to not be thinking CRAZY things! Well at least I dran well hope so! Back to the topic!

I was not told or showed how to use this. SO somehow I found a way to follow myself and it took me 5 to 10 mins to find how to make a new post, SO I SAVED the page that lets you make a new post to my favorites! NOW all I have to do is click in my favorites and click post! what now CONFUSOUS!! Blog has failed me...yet, I am able to find a way to do it! so I shall continue! just for fun and memories!

WARNING: I can not spell well, so if I make a mistake please comment so that I may fix it. All my posts will be just whatever I am thinking at the moment, so I am not reading over what I am writing I will just type and think!

Understanding the Girl inside VIA mbti

Our freshman class had to take the MBTI test which told us what our natural abilities were. Each paper we got back told us what four letter best described those natural abilities. Mine were ENFJ, meaning Extrovert, Intuition, Feeling, and Judging. Each letter means something different and has a lot of background to explain the letter and how it applies to us.

“E” for extrovert means interest in the people and things around a person. This basically means that I love to be around people and keep in touch. Along with that, it means that I draw my energy from people rather than books or alone time. This applies to me because I am truly an extrovert. I love hanging with my friends and just talking. When I see someone I know it gives me joy to yell out their names and wave my arm around crazily just so that they may come and join me for a bit. I have found that learning I am an extrovert before the test told me I was, I was looking for others and trying to see if they were extroverted or introverts. I found that I really like getting to know new people and I like being able to name them all off. As an extrovert I am really excited talking to strangers and big groups of people so when I realized I was an extrovert a lot of the things I did made more sense.

“N” for Intuition means interest in what can be imagined, seen with “the mind’s eye.” Basically saying that I like to look for the imaginative way of doing things and I like to see all the possibilities. Being an “N” means that we are creative people who enjoy planning and are especially excited by “possibilities for people.” The “N” gives us a more conceptual and global approach to life. We like to bring outer world into harmony with our intensely felt people-values. Knowing that I am an “N” helps me because I understand where my creative side is and how it affects some of the things I do. Once I learned that I was an “N” I, again, began looking for it in the things I do and I found that it is something that I do often yet it is so small that it’s hard to find. Yet, when I paid attention I found that when I am left with a choice I look for all the possibilities and imagine all of them, but it always turns out to be something I was unable to think of.

“F” for Feeling means interest in knowing what is important and valuable. Being a feeler can also mean that I am more attuned to the feelings of others. As a feeler I look for the right in all the wrong and I try to learn something of value form everything. During my daily life I find myself trying to find the important stuff in what I am reading and figuring if it is valuable enough for me to need to memorize. I find myself trying to stay positive and continue looking for what I can learn from most of the things that God shows me, which is hard a lot of times. Along with those I am usually good with knowing when someone is upset and am always trying to make someone who I know is upset smile.

“J” for Judging means interest in acting by organizing, planning, deciding. I truly know that this is a part of my daily life. I am really bad at time management, but I feel like I have to have some kind of plan for my day or I feel as though I will go insane. When some friends want to hang out I find that I do all the planning by asking the important questions like, where and when. There are certain spots in my room where they are alphabetical or staked from biggest to smallest in size. My closet is ordered by colors, light to dark. So keeping things organized is not hard for me. Time management is a flaw I need to fix soon. When my roommate and suitemate have to choose a place to sit, it is more likely that I pick because they tend to do whatever. I take lead when I should not do so, but I find it strange just waiting for someone to make a choice when I could do it in a few seconds. A problem with being a “J” is that we may become people who need control. I know personally I am working hard to let go of control of my life. I feel as though I should be able to control everyone and everything, but I can’t. I have made great progress in that area. There are downfalls to every one of the letters we are given, but we must take them and turn them into strengths.

All of these letters and their meanings are helpful tools to my plans for the future. Each one helps me to see another part of me that God created and I am able to see them. Once I am able to see them, I can use them to my advantage and work to make them stronger. These help my current goals of meeting new people well because I am able to plan them in, meet them, and hang out with them. They help my future goals because all the above are perfect for becoming a singer or basically anything else I may want to follow. God has a plan for this strange girl and I will follow these strengths to find where he wants me.

Stalker and learning

OK, so having a blog is a GREAT way to get what you are feeling into words and they are usually INSIRING words! That is a REALLY good thing, but I feel slightly invasive looking at other peoples blogs! Because I feel like I am reading into their thoughts and their heads and that is KINDA freaky.

I read a friends blog just a few mins ago and I was AW INSPIRED! I read one specific passage about how he was dating for personality, looks, and the love he had for that person and those relationships fell. He wrote about how he KNOWS the next relationship he is in wil be CENTERED around God! I just about freaked......how much he sounded like me. Only I hadn't come to that conclusion until I read what he wrote! I feel like one of my blind spots just left and I can see so well in that area! I should have KNOWN that! I should have known and I didn't. But I learned from what he wrote! I learned alot....I would have NEVER guessed that he had gone through the same things that I have. Relationships getting physical TOO fast, the relationship NOT focused on God, and the feelings behind the choices he made! Obviosuly I don't know EXCATLY what he went through, but from what he wrote, he has been through some of the same and HE learned from it! AND so can I!

But then again, I sort of feel stalkerish because I read that and it was not mine! It's a two way road here and I am walking on both sides! I wonder how long I can keep this up? On the plus side, I am a HUGE art fan....and I LOVE pictures of people!! AND his picture was AMAZING! It was the perfect combo of lighting, color, and positioning! And that is a part of why I feel stalkerish! Because I am looking at peoples pictures and thinking about the lighting, color, and positioning! WEIRD I AM.....CRAZY I AM....stalker.....I hope I am NOT!

Two posts in one day, whatever will I do!

Disappointment and Making Others Happy

Have you ever found yourself saying its ok when really its not. And you are thinking that you are so disappointed in the fact that they are not coming but you don't want them to know. So you say its alright and you are sad for the rest of the day! A song comes to mind when I think of this....

When its not alright,
When its not ok,
Will you try to make me seel better?
Will you alright,
Will you say OK,
Will you stick with me through whatever?

Some people may take this song as one that talks about a guy! One that asks if this guy will be there! For me I imagine two things, my friends and God!
Are my friends going to do this? I only hope so!
Is God going to do this? I believe with all my heart yes!

Today!!! (october 14, 2009)

This is to start something new! But mostly cause I am unable to comment on a friends blog without making this first! Tehe...its how I do!