Frustration

We are all clouded by the shadows of those times where there is nothing but anger.

Normally everyone gets annoyed with someone at one point...but there are a few things that tick me off so fast I don't even think before anything...I just get mad.

1. Telling me to calm down when I am calm.

2. Telling me I have an attitude when I don't.

3. NOT LISTENING to what I am saying and ASSUMING you already know what I am saying.

4. Telling me what to do....not ok

5. LYING TO ME! Not ok EVER.

6. Stupid people driving like CRAZY retards!

7. BEING RUDE! I promise you..I can not STAND people who are not nice to others and want to make other people feel their pain! Watch me beat you up jerks...tehe =)

there are a few more but I should be doing my homework instead of this...but this is the first for today...if you think this is alot of posts my friends on facebook would VERY MUCH disagree! =)

I'm Scared

At this moment I am sitting here wondering....

Why do I hurt?

Why am I scared?

Why am I scared to ask God if he is the right one for me? I want so desperately for him to be right for MANY, MANY reasons...but first and foremost..I love him...even when he treats me mean or when he says mean things or at this moment when I feel like he doesn't want to be in a relationship..I feel like he wants to just have a girlfriend close to him and not me.

You can love someone but not want to be with them. He says.."I love you and I want to work on this." But all I see is his laziness and his want to do things for his self. I don't feel included in his plans..I feel like I'm being drug through the dirty screaming and he doesn't even care.

When I cried he use to STOP and just think for a second...

When I texted him he NEVER stopped texting before sending one text with the only words being "I love you"

When I was scared I ran to him and he made me feel better...

Now he doesn't even want to talk to me.

Here is what I am afraid of....God is taking him away from me...He is RUNNING away because God is telling me I depended on Cris too much and now I went to far and Cris is being taken away. I ran to Cris because he was suppose to be that person for me...the person here on earth that I could run to...and I went TOO far and depended on him...now I am wondering if it was a mistake...all this pain so I can learn to depend on God...can I even SAVE this relationship....

NO....no..no I can't. God has to...not me...but I'm scared. If God is doing this now...why would he want to fix it....its ALOT of work to depend on God and STILL be in the relationship I am in.

God can fix anything...BUT I AM TERRIFIED I'm going to lose someone I love...and I'm not sure if he would care? He seems just fine not talking to me everyday...

I have petty problems...things he hasn't made me feel ANY BETTER about...because we seem to be in the phase of our relationship where God is stepping in..and we are bored with eachother...he doesn't even want to talk to me...do you know how hurtful that is?????

A New Year Plus A Few Days

So this is my first blog in a while and I'm pumped! I have TONS of stories I wanted to post that not many people would read and now I FOUND THIS BLOG and I can Do So! W00t w00t

First is the story I wrote on Facebook! I will copy and paste it here..but now I was just told by one of my friends that I can have ANOTHER blog about just my stories! So I am PUMPED even more!

YAY FOR BLOGS RIGHT NOW!

AMEN!