Learning Two New Things

So today I learned two new things about myself...and a sad thing...so first sad to get it over with then....HAPPY/Interesting.

Sad..I feel very sad....mostly cause I didn't get flowers on valentines day (not the reason im sad, I got to spend time with my love that weekend before and im was happy) but he bought a ROSE for his friend Matt (encouragement rose but flower for matt..made me sad!) On valentines day I got a package paper and so I went to the mail office and saw ALL these flowers and bouquets of flowers for girls and I was ALMOST excited that he would do something so nice...well I was wrong. My phone came in that day.

First new thing I learned today was that I like to sleep during the day because I feel the safest. I have always related God to light, so at night when it is really dark in our room I freak and give myself nightmares. During the day there is no darkness. I am safe, I feel safe. When I was little my step-father, as a punishment, would lock me in the basement. I would sit on the old wooden stairs alone and scared looking at the light coming through the door crying and wishing with all my might that I would get out of there quickly. So I like to sleep in the day time because that light fills my room and my heart!

Second thing I learned is I have this HOPE that one day sometime in the future my Love will stop by and take me out on a date because he knows how much I miss him. Then while we are on our date he will give me my promise ring. I still have a hope I'm gonna get a promise ring. He even faked me out when he visited when he got down on one knee and made me think he was gonna pull of a promise ring. Nope, he didn't. Sadness. But I know he won't and I know if he did he doesn't believe in giving presents randomly because the other likes it (of which I do.) So I KNOW I shouldn't have this hope but its still there. Of course...cause I LOVE TO TORCHER MYSELF OFTEN! Welcome to me! I suck don't I? Well like I always say.."Stupid me!"

So yea..those are what I learned today!